That kinda night.

Lost.

My husband got home from work tonight expecting the usual. Well put together, bubbly wife, the kids in bed, the house clean....etc.

Tonight he got housework in progress, upset wife and kids in bed. He came to the playroom to find me working on putting toys away. I begrudgingly stated "I bet you expected this housework to be done when you got home." He said "Actually I did" Of course he did. Not that he expects me to have it done for him but just because its what I normally do.....

He then said he was disappointed that I was soo upset. Sadly I am too. I am disappointed that I don't think i can do this!

I have taken on far more than one person should have to handle. Today was the first day that I truly felt like it IS possible that my plate is too full. I am at the buffet and that last plate has given me a bad tummy ache. (so to speak)

Today was bad. Not like "ugh I can't wait for bedtime bad" but like "OMG I have become a horrible mother and wife" bad.

You cannot understand what I am feeling tonight. I can't even explain it. I have been overwhelmed in the past SURE, haven't we all? But I am happy with life; satisfied for sure! I REALLY AM...I look around me and think "amazing" TRULY.

But tonight I am struggling. I hated myself at the end of the day. My kids loved me. The love between a mother and her young children is unconditional. If my patience is low my kids still love me and if the kids scream and fight all day I still love them. Thats one of the best parts of being a parent.

Tonight I feel thankful for my child's unconditional love. As I sat at the end of Andrew's bed in tears repeating how sorry I was for being a "mean mommy today" AJ laid their playing with my hair and wiping my face, the whole time with a big smile. All he had to say was "I love you mommy. You sad mommy? I loves you mommy."

Once all the kids were asleep peacefully I started working on my schoolwork. Same as I do every night. But tonight I cannot concentrate. As I sit hear and type through tear-blurred eyes I feel like I have no one who I can talk to...Eric has a "simple" solution that isn't an option....

and NOW it wouldn't be a fitting end to my night if 5 minutes ago poor Lauryn didn't wake screaming and covered in vomit (which hasnt ceased) would it?

I love my life! BUT TONIGHT LIFE IS KINDA CRAPPY!!!

Wednesday September 16, 2009

These cards became more common to me than my own debit card or drivers license

"....did they discuss your ultrasound with you when you had pneumonia?.....Well, they saw 2 babies"

"WHAT?"

A question and sentence I will not soon forget. Exactly 12 months ago I was exactly 10 weeks pregnant and this day I found out just how drastically our surprise pregnancy was going to change our lives.

Amazing roller coaster this past 12 months have been. TEARS, SMILES, EXCITEMENT, SHOCK, THANKFULNESS, BLESSED, LUCKY, FEAR....name an emotion and I have been through it.

I had never been more shocked, and scared of the unknown as I was that night.

As I type this I look at Ava & Alyvia in awe. In awe that they are mine. They are healthy and happy and that they are HERE.

1 year seems like such a short period of time. This night 1 year ago I was looking at a computer screen and watching an ultrasound girl label a fetus A and a fetus B. Now I look at 2 perfect 6 month olds.

Life is beautiful. God is good. I am blessed. So thankful for all 4 of my kids and all of my family.

(Please Excuse the naked 2 year old we were trying to get ready for bed...and don't make fun of her spider undies...she picked em' and was excited about them.)

Chores

AJ is now almost 4 years old. He is starting to understand a lot more about the way our house works. He LOVES to help me do chores around the house. Both the older 2 have always been responsible for helping me pick their toys up in the playroom and in their bedroom, but we have decided it is time to let Andrew have "real jobs" instead of just gettign to "help mommy"

We are starting out easy. He has become responsible for setting the breakfast table every night. You would have thought we gave him the coolest gift EVER. He feels so stinking special that he gets to do a Big Boy job. I love that he loves it so much that the fact that not everything matches every night doesnt bother me nearly as much as it used to.

He gets to place a sticker on his "chore chart" every night when he finishes his job! While he has absolutely no understanding of money we are working on the understanding rewarding his hard work and working for the things you want :o) when his sticker chart is "full" he will receive a small 'gift' a concept similar to the treasure box at school.

I admit he has no clue of the concept that he must fill this sticker chart and get a reward but it doesnt matter as he is fully satisfied with just getting to place a sticker on his chart. 3 years olds are so simple sometimes :o)

He feels like such a big helper. I wish I could freeze time somedays. This simple excitement over his "chores" will NOT last as he ages.

The first morning after he set the table he was very proud of his work :o)

**On an unrelated note...it is possible to have a family meal even with a baby LOL... well family minus the mommy who spend her time catering the food :o)**

A New Look!

Thanks to the talented Mallory R. (I'd link you to her blog but don't know how yet :o) )

Miss Mallory took some time this past weekend to customize my blog.
It looks GREAT!

Now I plan on spending the coming weeks learning A LOT about blogging and such. Like how to link directly to a fellow blogger's site and any other sites for that matter.

Maybe I'll learn how to make a button? Learn some more HTML? Anything that'll possibly make my blog look cuter :o)

Danielle, Mallory, Lindsay..etc? I am open to LOTS of suggestions :o)

THANKS SO MUCH AGAIN MALLORY :o) It looks adorable!